What division I volleyball taught me about impostor syndrome

My media day picture from 2023.

Have you ever been in a position where you felt inadequate?

Same — I’ve been there. I’m going to take a good guess and say that you have, too.

How about this: Have you ever wanted something so badly, but when you got there you felt like you didn’t belong?

That’s exactly how I felt when I played Division I volleyball. Every day I had to remind myself that I worked hard to get there, and that I deserved my spot just as much as the girl next to me. That the negative thoughts consuming my head were just my impostor syndrome poking at my every move.

Looking back now — while that may have been true — I’ve realized that I had the wrong approach all along.

It’s true that aside from physical ability, practicing sports teaches participants lessons about authority, place in society and — in my opinion most importantly — handling failure.

Whenever I tell people I quit Division I volleyball, I keep my backstory brief for the sake of being transparent without oversharing. Now, I’m hoping that my story can help others work through the doubts they face about the passions they hold.

So, here’s what I would have done differently:

1. Keep your head down, even when praise is thrown at you left and right

Leaving high school with a commitment to a Division I school definitely gave me a confidence boost. Sometimes that boost is good, but only to a certain extent. Ultimately, it overshadowed my understanding of the hard work I would face ahead. Where I went wrong was assuming that securing my spot on the team was my final destination. In reality, winning was the ultimate goal. It was never, ever about me. No matter what you’re working through, try taking yourself out of the equation. What are you really trying to achieve? Is the progress any different if you take your contributions out of it? If the answer is no, it’s time to shift your perspective.

My parents and me on commitment day at my high school.

2. You are your biggest hype man

It’s true that outward validation provides much value. My problem was relying too much on outward validation and not enough on self-validation. At the end of the day, you are your biggest hype man. Even though the environment I practiced in wasn’t the most progressive for my individual journey, I still could have given myself a little credit when I felt invisible in others’ eyes. Now, I’ve realized that the best way to combat impostor syndrome is by finding your personal balance of humility and confidence. I’m not saying I’ve achieved this harmony, but I do feel that I have a better understanding of its importance than I did two years ago.

3. Your passion fuels your work ethic

One of the main reasons I quit volleyball was that I lost my love for the sport. To be transparent, this was one of the hardest pills to swallow. The sport took up more than half my life up until that point, and I struggled to fill the hole in my identity that volleyball occupied for the longest time. I know there were so many things I could have devoted more time to: strength training, repetitions, maybe even mentality coaching. But, at the end of the day, I didn’t hold enough passion for the sport to want to do all of those things. When that realization hit, I knew it was time to take a step back.

To sum it up, I say forget “fake it till you make it.” Fake it until you know it.

Because it’s one thing to get somewhere, but it’s another to know you belong there.

If you have to convince yourself that you belong somewhere but feel at a constant loss, maybe it’s time to move on. It might be difficult to accept, but you’ll find so much more joy in other hobbies along the way.